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Uncomplimentary Compliments!

by Oluseye Igbafe

Most compliments are given with good intentions (I think). However, a compliment not properly phrased can actually sound more like a jab or worse still, an outright insult.
I was trying out a wig at a hair shop today when a young man with possibly good intentions turned and said, "This one is nice, it makes you look young".

In my mind, I was like, _hmm?! Am I not young? Egbami o!. So the phrase "makes you look young" would be a compliment for an old woman, which I am definitely NOT! It implies I look old! That wipes out whatever pleasure was to be gotten from that compliment. 
Now if he had said, "It makes you look younger", that would have been a compliment!
Let's look at another common supposed compliment. "This dress/hair/shoe makes you look nice!  This means it is the dress that makes you look nice. A better way to put it is: This dress looks nice on you!
Another common one is "You are looking good/smart/nice today! Or you sm…

Understanding Your Rights & Responsibilities in a Relationship

by Oluseye Igbafe

I recently facilitated a training where one of the modules dealt with the issues regarding rights and responsibilities in learning. I realized that the underlying principle of that module is universal; it applies to love relationships as much as it does to work relationship. 
The principle of rights and responsibilities simply states that for every right you exercise, you have a corresponding responsibility. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the bane of most relationships or marriages is either the desire to exercise rights without fulfilling  corresponding responsibilities; or the enjoyment of the responsibilities others bear without allowing them their rights. Of course, there are those  who are simply not aware that they have rights in a relationship.
In this context, the term "rights” is used a bit loosely because they may not be legally enforceable; nonetheless, this does not invalidate them in anyway. Rights simply refer to “what you are en…