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Showing posts from 2016

Dear Wife, About your Mother-in-Law….

Dear Wife,

Truth is, even before you met your mother-in-law (MIL), you already had a wrong mind-set about an ideal MIL. The many stories you have heard- the stories your mum told you of your grandmother, some that you witnessed and the many home videos you watched that mostly cast MILs as evil ogres- have influenced your perception.
So before you met her, you'd already judged her, had reservations and now it seems she is no different from the evil MIL portrayed everywhere.Let me share a few thoughts with you:
1.   Get rid of the wrong mind-set: Being a MIL doesn’t mean the person has to be evil; every mother will be a MIL someday and that includes you. Yes, some people are difficult but it’s not being a MIL that makes them difficult.

Don’t relate with her based on the experiences of others or perceive her through the lens of Nollywood stereotypes.  Stop suspecting her every move or suspecting her to be a witch. Stop thinking she is responsible for whatever is happens to you. When you …

Dear Mother-in-Law

by Oluseye Igbafe

It seems just like yesterday you brought him from the hospital, your sweet baby boy. As a young boy, he never left your side, he clung to your every word, always came to you for advice and without a doubt you were the apple of his eyes. When your husband had little time for you, he was the love of your life, his jokes made you laugh no matter how down you were. That you love your son cannot be disputed and his love for you was never in question until...

Until now, your boy seems hoodwinked by another woman, its like you are no longer the center of his life. You don’t even know what is happening with him, his calls have really decreased all because of HER! She reminds you of that trash that stole your husband’s heart, now her clone has come to steal your son’s heart. But you will have none of that, you will not be pushed aside a second time, he’s your boy and that is what he will always be first. If she resists you will... Hmmmm!
Dear Mama, please note the following thing…

Parents Gone Wild: Bleaching Children's Skin

by Oluseye Igbafe

I heard about this for the first time a year ago at the birthday party of a friend's child. One of our mutual friends walked up to me and after pleasantries, said to me:

“Sis, your daughter is very pretty oh.” “Thanks”, I replied.
"What cream do you use for her?” She asked
"Cream?! I use Johnson Baby lotion."
"Only?! What do you use to bring out her colour?” she persisted.
“I don’t really understand you,” I answered her, “What colour am I bringing out?”
"No oh, you should use something that will bring out her colour. Don’t you know she will be prettier (sic) if she has fair skin?”
I cringed inwardly. All the while, I had struggled to believe she couldn’t possibly be saying what I thought she was saying. “You mean I should start bleaching her skin? At what age and why would I do such a crazy thing?! It’s not necessary my dear,” I answered her firmly. "It is oh my big sister. Especially for a girl but not bleaching; haba, not even toning! It…

Tall, Dark & Handsome!

by Oluseye Igbafe

Tall Dark and Handsome!
Anyone who grew up reading romance novels, especially Mills and Boon or Harlequin Romance, will immediately recognize the trio of tall, dark and handsome, the trio that daydreams were made of. Every hero in those novels were men of steel, all were tall dark and devastatingly handsome. They simply took the breath of all the ladies away.
We all grew up desiring a tall, dark and handsome guy, it was on every young lady’s list of specification of the kind of guy she wanted. I mean, we walked around hoping a Denzel Washington or Idris Elba lookalike will come and sweep us off our feet. I mean those brothers are really fine!!! Well, it’s okay to still feel like that if you are like say 16? You don’t have to face reality at that age, you can just dream away...Yet many ladies never seem to grow up.

So what is wrong with wanting tall, dark and handsome? Nothing! That is, if it’s just a wish and not a real specification. Seriously, Tall dark& handsome …

Why Getting Married Won't Make You Happy!

by Oluseye Igbafe

“I will be happy once I get married” “The only reason I don’t feel fulfilled is because I am single” “If only I am married, I will be the happiest woman in the world”
A lot of ladies have tied up their happiness to getting married; they believe that being married is synonymous with happiness. They have unknowingly postponed their happiness till whenever they get married. Well, the truth is, getting a husband won’t make you happy. Yes! You read that right. Getting married won’t make you happy! Just take a look through many Facebook women groups and you will see that while a lot of people are happily married, a lot are equally miserable in their marriage.
A lot of married women can attest to the fact that “Marriage in itself cannot be the source of your all-round happiness" Don’t get me wrong, being in a good relationship or marriage can bring you happiness but it’s not the main source of your happiness. If you can’t be happy before getting married, then soon after mar…

Allow Your Children Pursue Their Dreams!

by Oluseye Igbafe

I met a young medical student a while ago. In the course our conversation, I asked her what area of medicine she wanted to specialize in, she replied that she wasn't going to specialize but would go learn tailoring and open her own fashion house.
I was stunned, tailoring? "If you are interested in fashion designing, why spend 7years in medical school?" I asked. "Its because my parents insisted I do", she replied, "so let me satisfy them and then I will satisfy myself".

In a way, she reminds me of myself. As a child, I was both talkative and inquisitive. I talked nine to a dozen and could ask questions for Africa; everyone said I should become a lawyer. I grew up wanting to be a lawyer, an American lawyer that is. I saw myself in smart skirt suits giving jaw dropping closing arguments. I watched legal films and read John Grisham novels and all fueled my passion. Yet somehow, being good in sciences, I was ushered to a science class. By th…

Child Abuse - Are You Unknowingly Abusing Your Children?

by Oluseye Igbafe

Most parents are aware of the rampant rate of child molestation and abuse and as such, take strong measures to protect their children against it. However, some parents unknowingly abuse their children themselves in a very subtle manner that is quite widespread. I want to share about the emotional abuse of children.

Most of us have imbibed the harsh African culture of talking strongly to our children. In trying to keep with the biblical injunction not to spare the rod, we sometimes go overboard. Emotional abuse often stem from a cycle; people who were raised in verbally charged and emotionally abusive environments meet out the same treatment unconsciously to their own children.
This means most of us are prone to abusing except we deliberately make the choice not to. If you grew up in a household where screaming or violence was the norm, you may not know any other way to raise your kids. Judgment, blame, shame and guilt-riddled verbal attacks are destructive, with unwante…