Skip to main content

The Price of a M.R.S Degree

A M.R.S. degree is a highly sought after and coveted degree. No matter how many other degrees previously held, whether it be M.Sc, MBA, MA or even PhD, Nigerian society does not give them a great value if the lady does not possess a M.R.S. As a result, over the years, ladies have paid highly to acquire this degree but what price is too much to pay?
 A while ago while handling a project, I met a nice and upcoming young man. One day during the Ebola outbreak, I remarked that a lot of businesses, especially eateries, were hit hard by the outbreak. He replied that his money would not be missed as he never eats out.
“Never?” I asked, “Well, that will change soon" I said with a smile since I knew he was engaged.
“No, it won’t ma", he replied emphatically. “My fiancee knows I don’t like eateries; I prefer to stay indoors and we cook”.,
"So, you don’t like Restaurants and Hotels too?" I asked “How can you court a woman and never take her out? Haba, you need to wine and dine her o”
“I have taken her out but never to eat and she is very Ok with it”, he insisted.
"Ok o", I said (wetin concern me?),
 
On another occasion I remarked to him on the need for organizations to introduce Flexi time especially to enable women manage work and home better.
He told me stoically “My wife will never work, she will do business”.,
I said "Really?! Is that what she wants?”
“That is what I want!" He answered,o,
“But what of what she wants?” I persisted
“Well, we have discussed it and she is ok with it” he replied.
I informed him of several jobs that can afford a woman time with the family etc, but he just kept shaking his head.

 A few weeks later, I ran into him and he informed me of his upcoming wedding. I congratulated him and while inquiring about the date and other arrangements he said he is only doing a Traditional Wedding.
I inquired if it was for financial reasons or the lady was pregnant but he said No to both reasons, and it’s just because he doesn’t really see the need for a white wedding and he will go to church on Sunday for thanksgiving.
I couldn’t reign in my curiosity (as usual!) I told him that it’s the dream of almost every young lady to walk down the aisle in her white dress and asked “Are you telling me she doesn’t mind?”
“Madam, to me Church wedding is just an imported ceremony, the real wedding is the traditional and that’s what am doing” he answered.
“Yes, but you still did not answer my question” I persisted
“Well, we discussed it and I’ve convinced her and she is ok with it”, he answered.


 Finally I saw him a few weeks after the wedding and guess what? He wasn’t wearing a wedding band!
I didn’t know you don’t use bands in your church “I said”
“We actually do but in my family we don’t use rings”
(Ok, I have heard a lot of things but definitely not this!!)
“Really? I said, so your new bride isn’t sporting a ring”
No, ma! He said in a voice that begged I drop the subject.
“So, she agreed to this as well?” I probed
“Well, it took me time but I convinced her” he answered.
 I decided to let the matter be.





It is very possible that the young lady in question actually shares this man’s views and these things are not a compromise to her. I however believe that a M.R.S should not cost you your dreams, the things you love or enjoy. You will certainly adjust some things to accommodate your spouse just as he also needs to adjust to accommodate you.

Coincidentally later that day I was chatting with an old dear friend and we were discussing the price we paid for our own M.R.S. We not only changed our names, we stopped our good jobs, moved to a different town, left our friends, became lonely and jobless for a while etc.  
 The desperation for the prestigious M.R.S degree has made a lot of women pay a price they regret right after getting the degree. Living with such compromises can lead to bitterness.




Yes, we all pay something to get the M.R.S. degree but what price shouldn’t one pay? What was the biggest price you paid for your M.R.S? What price won’t you pay or allow your sister/daughter to pay to become a MRS? 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Teaching Your Children About Consent!

by Oluseye Igbafe


I watched as my children played teacher and student but noticed the younger one didn’t seem to be having much fun. “Are you enjoying yourself?” I asked her. “Not really”, she replied, glancing at her sister. “I don’t want to be a naughty student, I want to be a good one”. “But that’s not the play, she is supposed to be punished for not doing her homework", the older sister insisted. "But it’s a play", I said, "that means both of you are playing together and must enjoy it equally. Once one of you is not enjoying it, then it’s no longer a play, you are now using her as a toy in your play", I explained to the older sister. “Okay”, she grumpily replied and at that moment, it hit me!
This isn’t just about play, it’s about consent, a perfect opportunity to talk about consent. So I went further to explain that to them... “Playing is having fun; and when you and someone are playing, you must be sure you are having fun and the kind of fun you like. You should…

Parents Gone Wild: Bleaching Children's Skin

by Oluseye Igbafe


I heard about this for the first time a year ago at the birthday party of a friend's child. One of our mutual friends walked up to me and after pleasantries, said to me:

“Sis, your daughter is very pretty oh.” “Thanks”, I replied.
"What cream do you use for her?” She asked
"Cream?! I use Johnson Baby lotion."
"Only?! What do you use to bring out her colour?” she persisted.
“I don’t really understand you,” I answered her, “What colour am I bringing out?”
"No oh, you should use something that will bring out her colour. Don’t you know she will be prettier (sic) if she has fair skin?”
I cringed inwardly. All the while, I had struggled to believe she couldn’t possibly be saying what I thought she was saying. “You mean I should start bleaching her skin? At what age and why would I do such a crazy thing?! It’s not necessary my dear,” I answered her firmly. "It is oh my big sister. Especially for a girl but not bleaching; haba, not even toning! It…

Sexualization of Children

As I waited in the departure lounge of a local airport, I noticed there were many children about but it was understandable since it was summer holiday. One other thing I noticed was the way most of the children were dressed. Most of them, especially the girls, were dressed in bum shorts, halter necks, cut off jeans, etc. The clothes in themselves weren't the issue per se; it was the overall look of the children that had me bothered. That was definitely not the first time I noticed it. 
A few months before, I had taken my kids to a birthday party and found myself in what could easily have been a night club for kids. Scanty clothing such as tight or very short clothes, bum shorts, long weaves, etc, seemed to be the dress code. I noticed my daughter glancing around her, probably wondering, "What in God's world are these other children wearing?" Or something like that. 


Not long after, the kids were called out to dance to the hit songs of the season - these songs in my opi…